الرسول زوجا

The loyalty of the Prophet (PBUH) towards his Wives

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was immensely honorable and loyal to his wives especially to Lady Khdaija may Allah be pleased with her. Although Lady Ai'sha never saw Lady Khadija and was never harmed by her, she said: "I was never more jealous of a wife of the Prophet than I was of khadija because the Prophet (PBUH) mentioned her and praised her a lot."
The loyalty of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to his wives was clear when the “verse of choosing” was revealed-: {O you Prophet, say to your spouses, "In case you would (like) the present life (Literally: the lowly life, i.e., the life of this world) and its adornment, then come, and I will allow you (the necessary) enjoyment and will release you a becoming release}(Al Ahzab:28)- first he went to Lady Ai'sha and told her that he will tell her something and that she should not rush to make a choice until she discusses it with her parents. Considering that she was young, he was worried that she would choose worldly pleasures and lose this life and the hereafter. But she knew what was good for her more than her parents. She told the Prophet (PBUH): "Do you want me to discuss this with my parents? I choose Allah, His Prophet, and the hereafter."


After Lady Ai'sha had made her choice she asked the Prophet not to reveal it to any of the other women. He told her that Allah had not sent him obstinate but a tutor and a facilitator and he shall tell any of his wives if they ask. Then he went to tell his other wives and reported what Lady Ai'sha may Allah be pleased with her had chosen.



They all chose Allah, His Prophet, and the hereafter. They had the great manners of the Prophet (PBUH) and so chose what he chose and like him they abstained from pursuing worldly pleasures and only wanted the hereafter.


The Prophet's Dealing Justly with his Wives


Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) dealt justly with his wives. He loved them and showed his feelings toward them. He was also patient and loyal with them. His actions sprang from a feeling of responsibility and because Allah the Almighty created him righteous and equitable by nature.



Lady A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that the Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him)never preferred one wife over another and he used to see all of them in their homes everyday even though he spent the night with one only.



He was constant in his equitable treatment of his wives despite the changes in his conditions. He remained the same whether he was traveling or present at home. When he had to travel he would choose without personal preference - (by drawing straws) which wife would accompany him.



He used to spend one day and one night with each wife except when Lady Sauda Bint Zam'a reached old age and no longer had sexual desire. She dedicated her day and night to Lady A'isha (may Allah be pleased with them). In this way, Lady Sauda was also seeking to please the Prophet (peace be upon him).



Another example of how the Prophet (peace be upon him) dealt justly with his wives was that when he married a virgin he would stay with her for seven nights so that she would not feel lonely. After that, he would spend the same amount of time with her as his other wives. When he (peace be upon him) married Umm Salama, he said to her: "There is no lack of estimation for you on the part of your husband. So, if you desire I can spend a week with you, and if you like I may spend three (nights) and then I will visit you in turn." She said: "Spend three (nights)." Narrated by Muslim.



Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) treated his wives equally even during his last days when he was very ill. He used to go to each of his wives in her turn. Lady A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that when the Prophet (peace be upon him) became very sick he asked his wives for permission to be nursed at Aisha's house. Naturally, they agreed.



In another narration, Lady A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) asked in his last days: "Where should I be tomorrow?" He was hoping that it would be the turn of A'isha. His wives permitted him to stay wherever he wanted. He stayed with Lady A'isha until he died and he died in her arms.



Although the Prophet (peace be upon him) treated his wives with perfect equity in what he could control, he apologized to Allah the Almighty that he could not be equitable in what he could not control; meaning, the feelings in his heart. Lady A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that the Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) used to treat his wives equally, and say: "O Allah, this is how I divide what I can control. O Allah, do not blame me for what You control and I can not control." Abu Dawoud said: "Prophet Muhammad meant what is in his heart." Allah the Almighty controls our feelings and hearts and made the love of Lady A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) greater in the heart of the Prophet (peace be upon him) than the love of any other woman. Indeed, he could not control that.



As our feelings are out of our hands and are in the hands of Allah; men who are married to more than one wife are not obliged to love each wife equally, but they are bound to be equal in spending time with them and paying for their expenses. The Prophet (peace be upon him) implored Allah the Almighty to forgive him for loving Lady A'isha more. Allah the Almighty says: "And the ones who bring whatever they bring with hearts tremulous that they are returning to their Lord." (Al-Mu'minun: 60)





Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stressed the importance of dealing justly with wives because otherwise on the Day of Judgment the man will be severely punished.



Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the best example for the faithful believers. Allah the Almighty says: "Indeed, you have already had a fair example, in the Messenger of Allah, for whoever hopes for Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much." (Al-Ahzab: 21)



The words and actions of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) are legislations guiding his 'Umma' (nation) to the right path. We should follow in the footsteps of the Prophet (peace be upon him) except for the actions intended by Allah the Almighty to be for him alone.


The Prophet Urged Men to Keep a Good Company with their Wives

Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him – has guided his people to keep a good company with their wives by word and deed, and there are many traditions in this regard of our Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him – and here are some of them:


1- Al Bukhari & Muslim narrated that Abu Huraira – may Allah be pleased with him – reported that Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him – said: "Treat women kindly, they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the highest part thereof; so, if you tried to rectify the rib it will be broken and if you left the rib as it is, it will remain crooked, and women are like this; therefore treat them kindly".


There is another narration to the same tradition by Muslim stated: "If you tried to rectify her she will be injured, and injuring her means divorcing her". The Prophet – peace be upon him – directed men not only to treat woman kindly, but also demonstrated their truth to convince men in accepting his precious advise, because if the men realized that women are crooked by nature, then they should be patient with women knowing that they cannot be straightforward always, and knowing that they are acting by their very nature; therefore, insisting on the straightforwardness of woman to the ideal level was a point of surprise for the poets, and some of them said:


The Woman is like a crooked rib which cannot be rectified; thus, trying otherwise will break such rib.


Another poet said:

The one who tries to use things beyond their nature is like the one who wants a torch in the water.

2- Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him – repeated this commandment in several occasions. In the last pilgrimage (Hijjat Al Wadda), our Prophet – peace be upon him – devoted an essential part of his great sermon to this commandment and said: "Treat woman kindly, they are captives in your houses, you have no way except to treat them kindly unless they commit a clear-cut abomination, in which case, desert them in the bed, if not feasible, strike them gently but do not cause them any harm, thereafter, if they obeyed you do not wrong them. You have a right on your wives and your wives have a right on you; your right on them is that they should keep your honor and do not allow any person to enter your houses if you do not like them to enter, and their right on you is to treat them kindly and provide them with clothing and food". Narrated by Muslim.


The Prophet – peace be upon him reiterated his commandment for woman because he knows well their nature. This nature cannot be tolerated by some of the men who do not have control on themselves when they got angry; thus, their intolerance on the crookedness of the women leads them to divorce them; consequently, they lose their wives and scatter their families.


Therefore, the Prophet – peace be upon him – guided the Muslim husbands in another tradition to the right way of dealing with their families by saying:

3- "The faithful husband should not hate his faithful wife, because if he hates certain manner in her character, then he should not forget the other good manners in her character". Narrated by Muslim.


4- The Prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "Those who are the best believers are those who have the best manners and the most kind to their families". Narrated by Al Tirmithi and others.


5- The Prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "The best of you is the best to his family and I am the best of you to his family".


6- The Prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "Anything not involving the Remembrance of Allah is vanity or negligence except four things: exercising shooting, training the horse, playing with his family and learning swimming". Narrated by Al Nasa'i.


There are plenty of traditions urging the Muslims to have good manners with their families and relatives


It is true that the Prophet – peace be upon him – was all the time treating his wives – mothers of the believers, may Allah be pleased with them – kindly and lovely but this was not the case all the times; because the Prophet – peace be upon him – was wise & prudent, and was taking the right action in the right circumstances; therefore, if the kind treatment was feasible and useful, then he will never hesitate to treat them kindly, but if discipline, prevention and desertion were more appropriate, then he will apply it. A poet said in this regard:


Patience and Forbearing will not be feasible or useful if there were no determination and strictness.


Women are by nature crooked, tending to their sentiments and need always to be educated,
and disciplined; therefore, Allah The Almighty has assigned this responsibility to the men by saying: {Men are the ever upright (managers) (of the affairs) of women for what Allah has graced some of them over (some) others and for what they have expended of their riches. So righteous women are devout, preservers of the Unseen for. And the ones whom you fear their non-compliance, then admonish them and forsake them in their beds, (Literally: a madajic= reeclining) and strike them, (i.e. hit them lightly) yet in case they obey you, then do not seek inequitably any way against them; surely Allah has been Ever-Exalted, Ever-Great} An-Nisa': 34.


The Prophet – peace be upon him – has applied this manner with his family in order to teach Muslims the right way of education and discipline as he taught them to be kind and forbearing with their families.


When the wives of the Prophet – peace be upon him – asked him for spending on them more than the normal limits and wanted to enjoy more pleasures and delights in this transitory life beyond what the Prophet – peace be upon him – determined and elected to himself, he deserted them for one month until Allah The Almighty revealed this verse on him: {O you Prophet, say to your spouses, "In case you would (like) the present life (Literally: the lowly life, i.e., the life of this world) and its adornment, then come, and I will allow you (the necessary) enjoyment and will release you a becoming release ¯ And in case you would (like) Allah and His Messenger and the Last Home, then surely Allah has prepared for the fair-doers among you a magnificent reward} (Al-Ahzab: 28-29); therefore, the Prophet – peace be upon him – gave them the choice either to stay with him with the minimum necessary to support live or to separate; so, they elected to obey Allah the Almighty and his Prophet – peace be upon him – as mentioned before in the narration of Anas, Um Sallama and Abdullah Bin Abbas in Al Bukhari & Muslim.


The Prophet – peace be upon him – was like this if the matter required determination in treating his wives, such as in case of committing any religious mistake which cannot be disregarded, in which case, the Prophet – peace be upon him – denounce such mistakes without taking any regard to anything except the pleasure of Allah The Almighty; therefore, he was using several methods such as preaching, direction, frightening and anger according to the circumstances of each case.


All of this proves the sublime morals, manners and wisdom of the Prophet – peace upon him – as he was taking the right action in the right circumstances.

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